So lately I have wondered why my faithful followers have not been commenting. I then discovered that my title is broken. When you look at the followers column you will notice that the last time I blogged was on Abbie's birthday. I have done a couple since but no one knows. I barely learned how to put pics on the blog. Chris was the one that set it all up. I barely can edit. I would not even know where to begin. I have been on quit a bit lately trying to fix it. Oh well! I have tried to have a good positive attitude towards everything. Always answering okay. But sometimes I just need to vent. I guess no one will read this so I am going to vent to myself. So here I go:
Everyone is asking how I am doing. I appreciate their concern, and care for me,but at the same time ask me something else. I know they are concerned, but do I really need to be reminded everytime I talk to someone that Chris is gone? It has only been three days. I still have 397 days to go so ask me when time sets in. It hasn't been very long. We have seen him quite a bit, talk to him almost daily; even though it is only a couple of minutes. The fact that he has left for a year has not quite set in. Then to top it off, the military wants to dangle him in our faces again. We have had so many good farewells, that I wonder how many times do I and the kids need to say goodbye to him? The kids didn't even want to go to the airport. They are so sad and coping the best they can. Do I really need to start over? I don't know. He called me tonight and said they have given him a 4 day pass. The pass is good in a couple of weeks. He can come home, or we can go see him. And I doubt we can go see him. $$$$ The problem is he can't officially tell me when he leaves country due to security. THIS SUCKS! He is leaving and I don't even know when. I don't know if I want him to come home. Everytime I get into a routine he comes home for a tiny taste and then leaves, and I am stuck starting over with the kids. The worst part is he has been activated since last Jan. If they sent him sooner like he went last time then he would be home in 3-4 months. UGH! The other thing is I am not sure that we will even get him for the full 4 days. Last time they gave him leave, they called him the next day and told him to be back in 2 days. They told him to hurry back that they got a flight. He got back and then sat there for about 2 weeks. They decided not to take the sooner flight. Gotta love it. Military motto: Hurry up and wait! There are also pros to his 4 day pass. I am just not sure what to do. I think the one person that will know is Heavenly Father, but any opinion will do. Please let me know.
7 comments:
Oh Aubs, good story telling and emotional release. I love hurry up and wait people. It's like the drivers that wpped past you only to stop and the red light, good thing you hurried up to wait.
Come home or stay away, that is the question. I think normal people would say, don't you want to see him if you can, but you said it best with, how many times do you have to say goodbye, and the kids, they have to be a little confused about that. I would say let it be, maybe just you could go and see Chris. I love you and wish I was there to talk with you.
This is a tough one. I don't know how I would react either, but I'm sure I would be tired of the not knowing. There are a lot of things that you just know you have to take care of, for example cooking, laundry, homework, Dr.'s appts., gas in the cars, etc., etc., etc.....But there are those times when it would be nice to not have to do all of it all alone. Remember Nephi, "I will go and do the thing the Lord commands". You are doing what you are supposed to and the Lord will take care of the rest. We are all here in a heartbeat to help. You are all loved. mom
I can relate only a tiny infintismal bit...I'm his sister, not his wife, nor his child, but I got to see my bro more this year than in the last 12 years - probably put together. Every opportunity that presented itself (besides my baptism) I questioned whether I really wanted to go thru the emotions again, but in the end I wouldn't have missed him for the world...the kids are another story, like Shay said.
I say consider going & have that time together that you both have needed. Turn off your cell phones (if the Army will let him) except to call the kids & just be.
By the way, you are never alone, not in even broken blog land...I love your posts - they're my inside link to a small part of your world, so broken or not, you didn't vent to no one...we were waiting!
I love ya, always have, always will - I'm kinda stuck with ya anyway!
We can do this! Hang in there I am sure more things will come our way through this deployment!
I'm glad that you clarified that you didn't want everyone to ask "how you are doing" ALL THE TIME i'm sure that gets old and I'm glad to know how you feel. You have gotten some great advice, I second all of it. What a rollercoaster of emotions for you and the kids. Why can't the Army just let Chris serve all at once and then get home(perminatly) to you. I'm so sorry. I think you should go and see chris, have time just the two of you. love you!
If we didn't care about how you were doing, we wouldn't ask all the time! But the fact is, what you're going through is the hardest thing anyone in this family has had to go through (and we can't even relate to what you are feeling) and we worry about you all the time, so we ask all the time! I'm sorry about the situation you're in. Will the army pay for him to fly home? If so, i say bring him home for another 4 days. I hate to play the "what if" game but I know you play it too, so what if... it's 4 more days your kids get to spend with their dad during this hard time. I'm sure saying goodbye sucks, but not having him home sucks even more. I am probably no help but know that i am thinking about you all the time. I'm sorry I missed your call for the 2nd day is a row. A duathlon in April would be sooo fun. You know me, my kind of race.
I won't ask how your are doing, but can I ask what are you doing? What are you doing in the next 7 weeks, we are coming to town and my kids would really like playing with your kids. Let me know and I can sing and tap dance for you to help you at least pass one day away from Chris. We are leaving tomorrow and will be in Orem UT for a long time, really lets play. I long blogs, for venting and seeing pictures of kiddos growing up!!!
Love ya tons,
Cousin Lindsey
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