... waking up in the morning knowing that I am alone in my room and my eternal companion is not there with me.
... not being able to stand in the doorways to my kids' rooms and watch them sleeping.
... knowing that my kids have all started school, except Luke as he starts next week, and I couldn't be there to give them a father's blessing.
... missing out on all the little things and sometimes the big things my family has done while I've been away.
... not being able to hold Aubrey, Preston, Madison, Abigail, and Luke in my arms and just hug them.
... that time doesn't seem to be going as fast as I would like.
... my wardrobe is pretty much the same day in and day out (just kidding, I mean it is but it's not really a big deal).
Everything else doesn't really matter. I mean if you don't have family, a solid, strong family, you don't really have anything.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Seriously...
...it has been a while. So here I go. So much has happened in fact too much has happened lately that I just have not been myself. I am in a funk, and it stunk. So now I have to pick myself back up and get on with life. Time has flown and I just haven't had the heart or energy to do anything about blogging. Life is funny sometimes. When I am with everyone things are good, especially when we aren't home, and then when the silence falls and I begin to think of all that is going on it gets hard. I don't know how to express my feelings. I don't know what to say. It has been a struggle. Life has been good and I have had a lot of great family who have been here for me. I know they are doing all they can to help me and the kids. No matter what it sucks to think Chris isn't here and I feel truly empty. I know Heavenly Father is with me and my loved ones have been here but still it is not the same unless Chris is here. I think the hardest part of it all is that I can't just call and say, "Hey Guess What?" I think I have talked to my Dad more in the last few months than ever before. Thanks for lending your ear, helping with advice and just taking a lunch break to help in the yard. Love Ya!
Since my last post school has ended, we spent the first week with Andy, Shay and their kids. It was great. The whole family went to Heber Valley Girls Camp and it was one of the funnest camping trips I have experienced. Chris celebrated Father's Day and our anniversary on the same Sunday and then his birthday a few days later. We have dragged Lala all over Lagoon. Chris came home for two splendid weeks. Preston turned 12 and was ordained by him. My parents kidnapped me and the kids and we finally floated the Madison River. (Madison's name sake.) Preston left for scout camp. That is right he was gone one whole week and I think I was the one who got homesick for him. It stunk, (I don't know what I'll do when he is on his mission.)but I was very excited, happy, and ready to see him go be off on his own. Even if it was for a week. My birthday was good. Dani took me and the kids to lunch. It was great to just hang out with her and be with the kids. I admire her for the job she is doing as a mother. I love Coil birthdays. We always seem to drag them out for a week or so. August is now here and summer is almost over and my bud will be gone for half a day. I am so happy for him, so sad for me. Mike and Erin have announced they are having another baby. What a miracle this cute family has experienced with each child. I am so happy for them. I have a triathlon in a week and am ready for the race. Praying I remember to unclip my shoes. Yeah it sucks to fall. At least this time the only one that saw me was my biking partner. She got a good laugh. I don't know where the graceful gene went but it seems that us girls just can't seem to do anything without getting some bruises. After the race we are heading to Montana for one last trip. I am so excited. It is exactly what I need before school starts and Chris gets home. If Chris ever had the option of moving north I would do it in a heartbeat. How peaceful it is. I feel so close to my Heavenly Father there. The beauty is too much for words. (Pictures will be posted soon.)Hopefully by Halloween we will all be together again.
That about sums it up. Between Chris being home, then heading back and going to lagoon it has been a very fast summer. Almost too fast. For now all I can do is take it one day at a time and enjoy the children that have been gifted to me. Life is good.
Since my last post school has ended, we spent the first week with Andy, Shay and their kids. It was great. The whole family went to Heber Valley Girls Camp and it was one of the funnest camping trips I have experienced. Chris celebrated Father's Day and our anniversary on the same Sunday and then his birthday a few days later. We have dragged Lala all over Lagoon. Chris came home for two splendid weeks. Preston turned 12 and was ordained by him. My parents kidnapped me and the kids and we finally floated the Madison River. (Madison's name sake.) Preston left for scout camp. That is right he was gone one whole week and I think I was the one who got homesick for him. It stunk, (I don't know what I'll do when he is on his mission.)but I was very excited, happy, and ready to see him go be off on his own. Even if it was for a week. My birthday was good. Dani took me and the kids to lunch. It was great to just hang out with her and be with the kids. I admire her for the job she is doing as a mother. I love Coil birthdays. We always seem to drag them out for a week or so. August is now here and summer is almost over and my bud will be gone for half a day. I am so happy for him, so sad for me. Mike and Erin have announced they are having another baby. What a miracle this cute family has experienced with each child. I am so happy for them. I have a triathlon in a week and am ready for the race. Praying I remember to unclip my shoes. Yeah it sucks to fall. At least this time the only one that saw me was my biking partner. She got a good laugh. I don't know where the graceful gene went but it seems that us girls just can't seem to do anything without getting some bruises. After the race we are heading to Montana for one last trip. I am so excited. It is exactly what I need before school starts and Chris gets home. If Chris ever had the option of moving north I would do it in a heartbeat. How peaceful it is. I feel so close to my Heavenly Father there. The beauty is too much for words. (Pictures will be posted soon.)Hopefully by Halloween we will all be together again.
That about sums it up. Between Chris being home, then heading back and going to lagoon it has been a very fast summer. Almost too fast. For now all I can do is take it one day at a time and enjoy the children that have been gifted to me. Life is good.
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